first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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