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You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
