I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
