She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
