You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
