I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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