you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
