Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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