happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
