He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
