I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Randomize
