roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
