windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
