I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
its liver damage thursday
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.