I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
