I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
