I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i came on her dog
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
