i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The best revenge is premature balding
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
