You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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