Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
