We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
