Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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