Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
