btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
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running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
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Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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