lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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