her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She's the barista slut.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
