yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
