You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
