I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
