Banned from zoo.
Again?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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