i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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