you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
