Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
