tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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