She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
