Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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