now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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