just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
