Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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