I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
