I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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