So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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