before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
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Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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