I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
