Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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