also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
