i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
