He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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