Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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