Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
