I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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