I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
