Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize