no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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