I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Fuck appropriateness.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
