I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
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i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
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He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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