So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
