At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
