The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
