Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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