Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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