Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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