Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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