yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
