I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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