How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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