Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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