Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
