i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
