We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
