So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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