I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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