It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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