apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
