can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
