Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize