remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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