omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
