She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
