We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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